Thursday, July 14, 2011

7/14/11 monologue

In the cauldron of the White House Cabinet Room, Obama and top lawmakers bargained for nearly two hours Wednesday on spending cuts.
Wow! Two hours. This must be important. C’mon, I’ve spent more time at the DMV for a shitty picture on my driver’s license.


An argument over houseguests led a Southern California woman to cut off her estranged husband's penis and put it down a garbage disposal.
Sheesh, I will buy you an air mattress. Don’t cut off the man’s goods. And why the disposal? Add  it to the compost heap.
            
And just like that, Mila Kunis wants to skip on her date with Sgt. Scott Moore to the Marine Corps Ball, "Access Hollywood" reported.
Mila, Mila, Mila. Why so fickle? I’m sure Scott was really going to show you his M-16 and not, well….you know. “Wanna come back to my barracks and see my M16?”

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