Monday, September 17, 2012

A Man You All Can't

From on high you yell down
                Down below you – of course it’s relative
Under the cover I am protected, pecking orders have a purpose
The best laid plans…
Blow it all out of proportion and extrapolate incorrectly, Hume was right, all the variables can never be accounted for
You say you trimmed the fat a la Occam?
Ha! Kant died eating a wheel of cheese.
Was it provolone?
I love provolone.

Friday, September 14, 2012


The Funner is talkin’…bout this and that and that and uh…
Kate Middleton had her picture taken… when she was topless…and England is pissed. Ah the British, so stuffy. She’s young, she’s pretty, and she’s royal now, what’s the big deal about exposed mammaries? Mammary, mammary, speak to me mammary. I just hope they don’t go crazy and have some hooligans turn over a dust bin in Shaftsbury.
And the presidential campaigning is heating up…if you like that sort of thing. Kinda like having a hot sewing needle inserted into your pupil. He said this, he said that. It’s like the 8th grade with Teleprompters. Did you see Mitt in phys ed? Gross.
And how bout this movie sparking protests in the Middle East? Where the hell were they when Breakin’ II Electric Boogaloo was made? Talk about a movie we should protest. That and Moulin Rouge.
The NFL enters week 2 this Sunday and somehow, the Browns have already been mathematically eliminated from the NFL’s Jacuzzi tubs. The Browns have had more high draft picks than the Army in Vietnam and yet, not one sighting of Agent Orange in one Cincinnati Bengal! Where is Herm Edwards when you need him? We play to win the game. Unless you are Pat Shurmur. “Shurmur High School Shurmur Illinois.” Apparently Pat Shurmur is in some sort of love triangle with Brandon Weedon and overthrown balls. And by overthrown balls, I mean overthrown balls.
In worse quarterback news, Mark Sanchez is dating Eva Longoria. Hey Mark you got nothing on Tim Couch. Tim used to bang former playmate of the year Heather Kozar… and without Tim Tebow around saying “dude, you should wait until marriage.”

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Brandon Weedon

The Browns rookie quarterback is 29 years old. Do we really need a QB that can suffer a mid-life crisis in his rookie year? Any older and he’ll collect social security along with interceptions. He had 4, count em 4 interceptions in his first game. Not to mention a QB rating that can match the temperature in Alaska in mid January. Of course, some Browns receivers dropped some balls, but that happens when you start puberty. The coach backed the quarterback in post game interviews but he has to be second guessing himself, especially after Joe Nameth called him and said “I wanna kiss you.”