Friday, December 23, 2011

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays to everyone but remember that days are only really holy if you drop through the space time continuum. Or if they are complete and wholly over. As this post is.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

NPR's ‘5 Things You May Not Know About’ the republican candidates.

NPR is running its ‘5 Things You May Not Know About’ the republican candidates.
You’re right NPR but I do know this:
Jon Huntsman dropped out of high school — but he did graduate from college. In 1978, Huntsman quit school to play keyboards in the rock band Wizard. Just the president we need to encourage the kids to stay in school. Oh and by the way, when you name your rock band Wizard, it soon becomes apparent you will be the backing band for mediaeval inspired pornos.
Michelle Bachmann met her husband on a playground. Michele and her husband, Marcus, met when they were students at Winona State University. According to a 2007 profile in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, they both had jobs as playground supervisors at an elementary school near the college. Marcus was there to meet guys but when in Rome… (this is not a reference to her vag being like rome, too many catholics in her vag. Kid, I kid)
Rick Perry loves The Wizard of Oz. "During our interview," wrote veteran Perry watcher Paul Burka in a 2002 Texas Monthly profile, Gov. Perry "mentioned that his 'favorite movie of all time' is The Wizard of Oz. For him it has lessons that translate to politics. (No, no, it's not that you can get along without a brain.) To Perry, political power is often an illusion, a little man behind a curtain projecting an image." This is good news because for Herman Cain, it was something else projecting.
Ron Paul can deliver. As a doctor in Texas, Kwiatkowski says, Paul delivered more than 4,000 babies over the years. Why Herman Cain had him delivering babies as opposed to a large with extra cheese is still a mystery.
Mitt Romney was once accused of "trying to bribe" a park ranger. In his new book, Mitt Romney: An Inside Look at the Man and His Politics, author Ronald B. Scott writes that when Romney was a young father, he led a family outing to a state park in Massachusetts. When Romney got ready to launch his unlicensed boat, a park ranger said it would cost him $50 if he did. Romney offered the ranger the money, was accused of trying to bribe the ranger, and was arrested for disorderly conduct. Hey Mitt, your attempted bribe of $50 was a slap in the face to that ranger. Now in the park restroom $50 will get you somewhere but not at the docks.
Newt Gingrich met his first wife, Jackie, when he was a 16-year-old high school student in Columbus, Ga. Jackie was his 23-year-old math teacher. This gives new meaning to helping Newt after school with his parabolas.

Monday, December 19, 2011

You Can't Do Both

Be wary when they tell you that you can’t do both. They told that to Charlie Sheen and we all know how that turned out.
I’m guessing that Woody Allen was also told that you can’t do both comedy and drama. We all know how that turned out. Interiors bombed but the Soon Yi thing was golden.
Now sometimes it is true. Michael Vick can’t run and last in the NFL. And by run, I mean from the PETA brethren, not from divisional linebackers. The NFC East ain’t what it used to be.
Sometimes it should be true but isn’t. Like inhaling and exhaling at the same time. Christopher Hitchens help us but Kenny G (spot) made sure we know how that turned out... and that we will never, ever buy one of his cd’s…not even a Christmas one.

I mean, look at Chaz Bono, what if he had believed you can’t do both.
So don’t buy it folks. Unless they tell you that you can’t buy both!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

1 in 2 Americans Are Poor

1 in 2 americans are poor. Hmm. “Strongest economy in the world” they say. How can this be? Does greed exist? Is there income inequality?
Don’t complain. You may protest but don’t complain. Actually, you may not protest. Apparently, that is illegal now. So I guess you might call your congressperson…if you can afford a cell phone.
I’m glad I never cared about money or material wealth. I always desired time and instead of owning things, I’ve always wanted to do things. (Most perfectly legal I might add)
Consider that a man who hits a ball with a bat for a living just signed a deal to make $250 million for a mere 10 years. And make no mistake, that is because there is a demand for that kinda moolah. Here’s the rub: you pay it. Because you watch, because you go to the game, because you buy the jersey, because you watch espn and the truck commercials and then buy the trucks and on and on it goes.
Am I blaming you for 1 in 2 ‘mericans bein’ po? No I’m not. But I am telling you that 1 in 2 americans being poor is a reflection of our values. You heard me just fine punchy (Pulp Fiction quotation).
Prefer watching Two and Half Men to fractions homework…fine with me. Don’t complain. Prefer your gas guzzling truck you use to haul plastic bags full of shit you don’t need from wallmart to asceticism? Groovy. Far out. Don’t complain. You want your lap band surgery covered by health insurance to walking? Kudos, have at it. Don’t complain.
Don’t complain when your lack of vision, when your unwillingness to consider the dominoes that tumble behind your choices come back to make YOU 1 of the 1 in 2. But I forgot, you don’t do fractions. Let me put it this way, you can’t watch chuck sheen anymore because you can’t pay your cable bill because you need gas for your 13 mile per gallon ford f 150 and your lap band broke.
Yes, you could be 1 of the 1 in 2. You are not a temporarily embarrassed millionaire. If you did do fractions or statistics you would understand that you aren’t going to win the lottery. You have a better chance of getting eaten by a rabid chinchilla while hunting rhino in Botswana with Ricardo Montalban and the cast of Glee.  Yes, you…you could be one of them.
And I guess that ain’t so bad. Could be worse, you could have fractions homework.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Not both Christianity and Evolution are true - An Argument

1.       If evolution is true, we all share a common ancestor
2.       All our shared common ancestors die
3.       If christianity is true, humans don’t die
[Therefore:  not both Christianity and evolution are true
4.       Assume the negation, both christianity and evolution are true
5.       Christianity is true from 4 simplification
6.       Evolution is true from 4 simplification
7.       It is not the case that humans die from 5 and 3 modus ponens
8.       For all x, x is a shared common ancestor from 6 and 1 modus ponens
9.       Humans share a common ancestor from 8 universal instantiation
10.   If humans share a common ancestor then humans die from 2 universal instantiation
11.   Humans die from 9 and 10 modus ponens, contradicting 7
12.   Not both christianity and evolution can be the case from 4-11 reductio ad absurdum

1.       (E > (x) Sx)
2.       (x)(Sx > Dx)
3.       (C > ~Dh)

[~(C . E)
4.       (C . E) assume the negation
5.       C from 4 simp
6.       E from 4 simp
7.       ~Dh from 5 and 3 modus ponens
8.       (x)Sx from 6 and 1 modus ponens
9.       Sh from 8 UI
10.   (Sh > Dh) from 2 UI
11.   Dh from 9 and 10 modus ponens, contradicting 7
13.   ~(C . E) from 4-11 reductio ad absurdum

Teen Sexting

Although teen sexting is a subject of controversy, new research suggests concern about the practice may be overblown. I think this totally depends on how hot the sext is. Are we talking penthouse letters hot or Fabio on the cover cold. We certainly don’t need Fabio inspired sexting and should do everything in our power to ensure it’s not butter.