Just write. Put the pen to the paper or put the fingertips on the keyboard. Shit ain’t gonna write itself. Edit later, Write. Get it out. Let it flow.
So here goes. I hope you like it. I care what you think. I value your opinion. It matters to me. You offer insight and constructive criticism almost all the time. I know you take the time to read my stuff thoroughly and offer up honest yet helpful tips.
I can’t think of anything to write. Should I do comedy or philosophy? Should I do both? But I’m not exactly Woody Allen here now am I. I’m not married to my daughter. See, see what I did there? That was pretty funny don’t you think? Let us analyze: I set you up talking about writing and referenced the writing of Woody Allen and how I am NOT like him but then…I turned the table and said that I am not like him insofar as I did not marry my daughter. Classic humor in the classic style. Heck, I am into classic, it’s my new thing.
Aside: I love Woody Allen. I watched Annie Hall the other night for the first time in a number of years and is it ever funny. Interestingly, I noticed some, let us call them, directing “errors” if you will. If one considers the uncut (master shot in the biz, not to be confused with a different biz's money shot) shot of Woody and Tony Robbins walking and talking in New York about anti-Semitism with liners like “Jew eat yet? Not did you eat,” the shot has no errors because no other actors interact. But, and this is a huge bedonkadonk “but,” in the also uncut scene after the on-street breakup between Woody and Diane, he walks along the street and asks several characters “What Happened?” Of course the “We use a large vibrating egg” liner goes off unhitched. But in the conversation with the superficial couple, one can see the male actor start to pull away early and this impacts the timing of the interaction with the elderly woman (“love fades”) and then the timing with the horse. Does it ruin the scene? Of course not. Does it make the scene even more endearing? No again, the dialogue is what makes it endearing and timeless. And isn’t this the genius of Woody Allen?
Aside: listening to a pod cast of Tavis Smiley with Anthony Greenwald on prejudice and bias. Aside in aside: I am committing one of my own sins. Aside in an aside in an aside: I consider multitasking to be a myth. You can’t do two things at once, unless of course you are Mr. Guitar Chet Atkins. But he’s dead so there’s that. Now what this means for us is that we can’t do two things at once. You have to pick one. OK, a little bit of equivocation here but like Mae West said “I could tell the truth but it’s so boring.” What I mean is that you can’t do two things at once and do them well, you must pick one. I’m not talking about walking and chewing gum because I happen to know for a fact that you won the district championship in the Walking and Chewing gum Classic back in 06. I’m talking about important stuff like being a musician or being a writer or actor or theologian or high priced call girl. You can’t dabble in two things and expect greatness and here I am trying to be the best blogger since Red Buttons and I’m listening to a podcast, and committing 2 sins at once (one can multitask sins because they aren’t important by the way): not “hearing” the podcast (White men can’t Jump reference to the Jimi Hendrix conversation) and not “committing” to the writing of the blog with 100% of my focus. Shitballs, I thought I was better than this. Now you could ask, “Funner, why don’t you just do one then and not be a dick?” And I might retort and tell you to mind your own business and that when I want your opinion, I will give it to you.”