Wednesday, April 13, 2011

4/13/11 monologue

Have you seen the video of Tom Brady crying while recalling his draft day frustrations? It’s hard to feel sorry for Tom…until you see his butt chin quiver. That is so weird. You start to think he’s trying to shake off a little tiny turd from that thing.

Chuck is as it again. Mr. Charlie Sheen has approved the design for a secret tattoo to be inked on his forearm. Instead of ink though, he is going to use tiger blood captured by warlocks. Kinky.
The nation's first proposed state-backed investment bank for a marijuana business failed Tuesday after a fiery debate in the Colorado House. “Bummer man. We could order some serious Domino’s with our return on investment dude.”

Holly Thompson, 17, was unable to close her mouth after yawning in class. One of Thompson's classmates tried to help her close her gaping pie hole, but to no avail. In related news, she was asked to the prom 43 times that day.
And in Cossack news, a former Miss Russia is facing drug charges for a second time on Tuesday, after allegedly using stolen prescription pads to obtain painkillers and anti-anxiety drugs from pharmacies in New York. Makes you wonder about the standards of the Miss Russia pageant doesn’t it. “And next in zee talent portion eez Miss Omsk. She ist goingk to make zoop from socialist  beets and den drink zee vodka while target shootingk an AK-47.”

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