Tuesday, April 12, 2011

4/12/11 monologue

An appeals court has just put the kibosh on Tyler and Cameron Winklevoss's push to get more money out of Mark Zuckerberg. The twins had already signed into a binding contract in 2008 giving them $20 million in cash and a partial ownership of Facebook. Like!
Every cinema will be capable of showing 3D films within five years, James Cameron said yesterday. Just great! It’s not bad enough I have to watch Vin Diesel in 2D?
Check it out, every week, people across the globe spend 3 billion hours playing video games, but that isn't enough for Jane McGonigal. She says video games can help solve some of the world's biggest problems — and we really should be playing more. I didn’t know helping the Mario brothers was a world problem. I thought they had a relatively successful plumbing business.
Benicio Del Toro and Kimberly Stewart are expecting. Kimberly is the 31-year-old daughter of rocker Rod Stewart. Kimberly’s dad just welcomed a baby of his own in February: his eighth child. Rod Stewart has 8 children! Man! What’s the connection between facelifts and strong semen?
Jurors in Barry Bonds' perjury and obstruction of justice trial will return for a third day of deliberations Tuesday. The panel failed to reach a verdict on Monday. Yeah, they keep shaking off the signs.

Expect to see Tom Cruise wailing his way through the upcoming movie "Rock of Ages." Tom is prepping for his role as aging, bad boy rocker Stacee Jaxx by training with Axl Rose's vocal coach.  When I hear Tom Cruise belt out “sha nananananana knees knees” I will convert to scientology…and pay the requisite fees of course… in order to accept Xenu as the tyrant ruler of the Galactic Confederacy. Sha nananananana knees knees!

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