Thursday, April 14, 2011

4/14/11 monologue

Well your veep is at it again, Joe Biden caught some z’s during Obama speech yesterday.

And I thought only babies slept so well. Not only can Obama budget well, he can cure insomnia.
Barry “free on” Bonds, baseball's all-time home run king, avoided being convicted of perjury but was found guilty Wednesday of obstructing an investigation in federal court. Hope he’ll autograph an affidavit for me.
A federal judge in Pennsylvania says the popular “I (heart) boobies!” breast cancer fundraising bracelets aren't lewd or vulgar, so it's OK for public school students to wear them. What the good judge doesn’t know is where I am wearing mine. Let me just say that I’m a little worried that my “I (heart) boobies” cocklet makes me look fat.
Speaking of hearting boobies, Jennifer Lopez has been named People's Most Beautiful Woman of 2011. Congrats to Jennifer. All I know is, I could make this list too if I sat next to Steven Tyler all day.

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