Me: what’s up NASA? How you doin’? A lot of people want to cancel you but I just want to talk to you all right! Just kidding. That was my impression of Andy Samberg doing Mark Wahlberg. But I do seriously want to talk to you.
NASA: About what?
Me: About standard time. Standard time is bull feces. I’ve been up at 4:40am and 1:20am over the past two nights and it’s because of this standard time-turn the clocks back nonsense.
NASA: Do you know what NASA stands for?
Me: If I’m curt with you, it’s for a reason. Now clean the fucking car. Just kidding. That was my Wolf from Pulp Fiction. You do space exploration not acronym training so stay with me here flock of seagulls. Just kidding. That was my Samuel L from Pulp Fiction.
NASA: Look at the big brains on Brad.
Me: Niiiice. But back to the matter at hand. Standard time. Every year I get depressed enough to watch Bergman movies and I go to bed at 6:30 every night and I eat my weight in marbled meats and brown sugar clumps. And it’s all because of standard time.
NASA: Pork chops taste good…bacon tastes good. What is your issue with NASA? You seem to have Seasonal Affective Disorder. You might want to see a physician, not an astronaut.
Me: Yeah right, like I’m going to go see some symptom treating physician who got his medical degree in the Philippines when I can get go straight to the cause. I crap bigger than you. Just kidding. That was my Jack Palance from City Slickers.
NASA: There’s gonna be bursting?! What do you mean the cause? NASA doesn’t cause the earth to tilt on its axis. Maybe you need a refresher course (Fletch line) on why winter happens.
Me: I need a refresher course like I need an infected scrotum. No, you don’t cause the earth to tilt on its axis but you do go up in orbit and the last time I checked we still made mirrors. So, you and your boys need to getcher asses up in orbit and position some big pier one mirrors or something up there so’s I can get some damn sunlight at 5pm in November. I’m not asking for the tropics here, just some daylight Captain Stubing.
NASA: Yeah well, Gopher and Doc are making another run and Isaac told me we get our big mirrors from Target so you are shit out of luck Marky Mark.
Me: What we’ve got here is, failure to communicate. Some Nassholes you just can’t reach.