Monday, August 1, 2011

8/1/11 Monologue

Miley Cyrus took a rather permanent stand in favor of gay marriage, by inking an equal sign onto her finger. “ALL LOVE is equal,” Miley Tweeted on Friday, along with a picture of her new tattoo.

Intense. I’m sure the gay community is stoked to put your finger under a microscope to get a look at your “statement.” Last time I saw a statement this small it came from my savings account.

Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger were back together this weekend, as the estranged couple celebrated the former Governor's 64th birthday as a family.

Can’t you just feel Maria slowly giving in? But seriously women, who wouldn’t? Arnold and his sexy accent cooing in your ear. In related news, Maria Shriver’s divorce attorney cancelled her Swiss Alps Chalet purchase.

Colon cleansing was a top story at google news today.
Now I know this is shocking but apparently running a garden hose through a Dawn grease cutter filter straight into your rectum may not be good for you.

Sen. John McCain says he'll vote for compromise legislation averting a government default, though he said "I will probably have to “swallow hard.”
What a Maverick this guy is. We appreciate you taking one for the team Senator McCain. Does the good Senator know what people are going to think? Is this the reference he wants to make? Makes me wonder if he talked to his former running mate before this statement.

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