Wednesday, August 17, 2011

8/17/11 monologue

Teen apparel retailer Abercrombie & Fitch Co. has offered to pay Jersey Shore cast member Michael "The Situation" Sorrentino not to wear its merchandise.
Abercrombie & Fitch want to be clear on this, they still want him to wear clothes. Just not their clothes. They fear the orange may rub off.
Three out of four high school graduates aren’t fully prepared for college and likely need to take at least one remedial class, according to the latest annual survey from the nonprofit testing organization ACT.

Four out of four didn’t know that three fourths is 75%. I think they are watching too much Jersey Shore [fist pump].

There's never an ideal time for a presidential vacation. But President Barack Obama's sojourn this week to Martha's Vineyard - known as a playground for the wealthy and well-connected - comes in the wake of the nation's first-ever credit rating downgrade.
If the prez can’t take a vaca then the downgraders have won. It’s not like the lobster is going to knock us down to a C-. That is for freshman taking the ‘Reading Good’ class.

Apple has been sued by a group of about 27000 South Koreans seeking $26 million in compensation for what they feel are privacy violations.
Just because Apple knows where you are 24/7 doesn’t mean your privacy has been violated. Just ask any married man.
An airline passenger says her Paris-to-Dublin flight was delayed nearly two hours after celebrated French actor Gerard Depardieu urinated on the plane ahead of takeoff.

                Sacre bleu! In his defense, Gerard could not fit into the airplane restroom.

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