Monday, May 9, 2011

5/9/11 monologue

Videos out now provide revealing images of what Osama bin Laden's life may have been like while he was in hiding. Not surprisingly, in the longest clip, he watches coverage of himself on television.
The only thing missing was “hi mom” to the camera.
Phil Jackson is calling it a career, ending the most successful run by any coach in NBA history. We’re going to miss Phil.
Kobe Bryant is so upset of Phil’s retirement he is going to buy his wife a ring.
The home alone house is for sale but I think it is going to go fast.
Joe Pesci is going to buy it and burn it to the ground. That thing killed his career.
Longshot Animal Kingdom won Kentucky Derby but the real news is Kate Gosselin's Derby Hat.
Looks like Man o War had too many mint juleps and defecated on Kate’s head.

An unruly passenger on board an American Airlines flight bound for San Francisco had to be subdued by two retired law-enforcement officers after he began yelling and pounding on the cockpit door.
                Either this guy mistook a valium for a laxative or he really like movies with gladiators.

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