Friday, May 6, 2011

5/6/11 monologue

Thor opens this weekend. Thor is cast out of the fantastic realm of Asgard for his arrogance, and is sent to Earth to live among humans where he falls in love with scientist Jane Foster ,learns some much-needed lessons, and his newfound strength comes into play as a villain from his homeland sends dark forces toward Earth.
Yeah, unless Natalie Portman kisses another woman, I’m going to see Hobo With A Shotgun.

Yesterday thousands thronged the barricades in effort to get as close as possible to President Obama while he visited the hallowed site of Ground Zero.
Yeah, it looked like the old footage of girls crying over the Beatles but in this case every republican in the world was crying.

Yer boy, Nic Cage is off the hook in his domestic abuse case. Cage, who was arrested in New Orleans last month after arguing on the street with his wife while allegedly drunk, will not face charges.
This is good news for Nic but it hurts his chances to star in Thor II: Staple Gun. Actually, can Nic Cage hurt his image? Is it possible? If Nic Cage was found to be assisting al qaeda, wouldn’t we know that he was phoning that in too?
'JetMan' plans flight over Arizona's Grand Canyon. Yeah, this guy straps a rocket to his back and wants to try going over the grand canyon.
               
What could go wrong right? Let’s ask Eval Knieval. Wait, wait…I’m getting word that Eval won’t be able to comment because after his jump, they could not find his mouth.

And lastly, humble Best Buy employee Roger Kline was terminated from his position after he tackled a man who was running from the store with stolen computers.
Yeah, and to add insult to injury, he was fined from the NFL for going to the head. I want Roger Kline to be the star of Thor III: Tool Belt.

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