Thursday, February 21, 2013

Captain and Officer – The Feliciano Files

Captain: I’m starving. What’s the latest on the Feliciano case?
Officer: Which one?
Captain: Whaddya mean which one?
Officer: We’ve got two, Jose and Sanford.
Captain: Well felice navidad me with no lube. Two Felicianos. Maybe tacos for lunch. Well give me the status for both.
Officer: Juan’s has good tacos and I know Stan who works there will cut us a deal. Well for Jose, he was caught stealing an acoustic guitar from a blind man but our only witness is a deaf mute so we’re having a bit of a communication snafu. The witness writes but it is all in hoch deutsch so we’re trying to find a German speaker which isn’t so easy and the free on-line translator stuff indicates that she saw a well-maned lion fingerpick either a booger or a boogie woogie tune on a martin d-28 just before jogging in place or juggling plates. The Sanford case is a little more cut and dry. Guy runs a waste disposal site with his son and they reprocessed some of the rubber products into a synthesized carbon capturing photosynthetic diffusion chip that allows car tires to catch light from the sun and heat from the road to recycle through the carburetor and allow the car to get around 50mpg. The proprietor Sanford was booked on a citizen’s arrest for lewd conduct with an underage rubber tree.
Captain: What kind of deal on the tacos?
Officer: Probably 20%.
Captain: Good salsa?
Officer: It’s ok.
Captain: Hmm. What’s the point if the salsa is sub-par?
Officer: Skirt steak for the fajitas.
Captain: Grilled?
Officer: MmHmm.
Captain: Ok, bring in Sanford’s son and grill him to see what he knows and threaten the old man that he could get placed on the Ficus offender list and a scour the universities for a German professor and also scour the pawn shops for a martin d-28 with boogers on the back of the headstock and most importantly, try to get your boy at Juan’s to get us half-off.

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