Angry Birds

Ad Exec – up and coming ad exec dressed to the nines, got lost out walking because he had his head down looking at his cell phone

Bag Man – homeless man in alley who meets Ad Exec

Rodrigo – restaurant worker who chimes in occasionally with Ad Exec and Bag Man as he takes out the restaurant’s trash

***             

Bag Man: Spare change?

Ad Exec: What? Where am I? Is this an alley?

Bag Man: Best alley in the city. You got yer scrap food from Carmines, pretty clean syringes, cats to pet, cans for fires…sometimes we make poorsmores.

Ad Exec: What are poorsmores?

Bag Man: Well when you can’t afford marshmallows or graham crackers you gots to melt any half eaten candy bar you can find and put it between two slivers of thrown out pancakes. Mmmm, just as good. Sometimes you feel like a nut. Ha ha.

Ad Exec: I guess I didn’t look where I was going because I was texting.

Bag Man: You sure you weren’t playing angry birds? What’s your high score?

Ad Exec: What no (looking around)…is there a way out of here…

Bag Man: I love that game. But without my cell phone I just play in real life by fighting off the crows. You know what a good game would be? Angry rats. Ha ha fightin’ off rats for thrown-away veal piccata and urinating on them for bonus points. That would be a hit.

[Rodrigo enters, throwing away restaurant trash]

Bag Man: Hey Rodrigo!

Rodrigo: Hey hey bag man. How’s scraps and coins today my man?

Bag Man: A+ on the scraps when I scored some half-moldy wonder bread and a partial can of cold Hormel chili but Mr. Angry Birds here can’t spare a dime because of his app addiction.

Ad Exec: What! I wasn’t playing angry…I’m not addicted to anything…

Rodrigo: What’s your problem mister! You think you’re too good for the bag man?

Ad Exec: What, no! -I…I got lost and…and how dare you accuse me of elitism.

Bag Man: Whoa whoa whoa, no one said a word about botulism! Them’s fightin words in this here alley my man! This is my house!

Ad Exec [frustrated]: yeah well, who’s yer decorator?

Rodrigo: Oh snap bag man! He got you! Angry Birds laid it down!

Bag Man: Oh it’s like that is it Mr. Counting Crows. Well when you’re done texting your mom about the blind date that ended when she beat you in arm wrestling, you can bring that cell phone over here and I can show you how it’s done on angry birds.

Ad Exec: I wasn’t playing angry birds! I was actually sending a very important text about a possible merger I’ll have you know.

Bag Man: the only thing you were merging was rocks to pigs Mr. Blue Jay. Uh huh, if you were any redder you’d be an irate cardinal.

Rodrigo: He’s baaaaack! Nice one bag man. He scared to play you!

Bag Man: Buck buck buck begaaaaalk! Ironic isn’t it, mr. chicken here doesn’t want to play angry birds.

Ad Exec: I’m an ad executive and I drive a Honda crossover. I don’t play angry birds.

Bag Man: Sure you don’t. You probably don’t know anything about King Pig or Boomerang Bird, what with your merger between Kibbles and Bits about to fall through. Buck buck buck begaaaaalk!

Rodrigo: Buck buck buck begaaaaalk!

Ad Exec: I can’t believe this. A homeless man thinks I play Angry Birds.

Bag Man: Oh you play alright, you sneak away from your brunches, you play on the toilet, you feign reading the Wall Street Journal to play, you play on-line waiting for a Frappuccino with soy, you play in your Honda crossover. Oh you play, and when you don’t play, you’re thinking about playing. You just don’t want to play me and not just because my fingers will leave feces on your phone’s screen but because I will destroy you!

Ad Exec: ok, one game!