Top 10 Helicopter Parent Enablings
10. Kindergarten teacher conference winds up in a $50 bribe for more duck duck goose time.
9. Tee ball coach fellated for shortstop and hitting clean-up in the batting order.
8. Santa and His Elves 4th grade play rehearsal interrupted by “My son needs to know his motivation!” during completely silent toy making scene.
7. Swim lessons endure awkward silence as mother walks along swimming son while holding a starbucks mug.
6. Neighbor Cody’s birthday party ruined by father insisting every child be given a chance to blow out candles and insisting there are no losers in twister game.
5. First kiss with Caitlin incredibly weird with father in basement giving lips-on, tongue-in instruction.
4. Driving course creates even more anxiety with mother insisting on riding in the back and having another brake pedal installed in the back.
3. Father’s electrical engineering degree put to use involving cell phone and ask jeeves cite for SAT cheating plan.
2. First intercourse with Caitlin incredibly weird with father in basement giving hands-on, penis-in instruction.
1. Son’s 3rd grade teacher job compromised as mother interrupts parent teacher conference offering $300 bribe to parents to amend their son’s evaluation.