Wednesday, March 30, 2011

3/30/11 Monologue

If you haven’t heard, we have the first ever photo of mercury from orbit. Incredible photos. And if you look really really closely you can see a cobra on the lam.
The Baseball season begins April 1st, or as they call it in Cleveland, cruel and unusual punishment.
The eldest Kardashian sister lived out a lifelong dream when she made her debut on the ABC soap "One Life to Live" as Kassandra Kavanaugh, a wayward lawyer with a knack for trouble.
Really? One life to live? A lawyer? Why not a brilliant scientist with an axe to grind, or a charming jewel thief? Kourtney Kardashian can pull off a lawyer when they find an ass double for Kim.
In other mammal news, the killer whale responsible for a SeaWorld Trainer's Death will return to performing. But not at Sea World. The Orca will instead be cast in the new Broadway Spiderman musical.
And listen to this folks, A prosecutor in Hudspeth County, Texas, hashed out a “Crazy” plea bargain with country legend Willie Nelson. If the singer performs his “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain,” pays a small fee, and pleads guilty to a misdemeanor, Nelson will get off the hook for a bust for six ounces of marijuana last year. I can’t wait to see the tour bus roll up to the courthouse with smoke billowing out. Willie all glazed over, wearing a hemp necklace. The prosecutor said it constitutes community service. IF getting high and singing constitutes community service, the Allman Brothers deserve the Nobel Prize.

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