Friday, October 5, 2012

Honey Badger Cares Quite A Bit, Actually

Fame can come with a cost and there is no cost greater than self. Honey Badger comes to you today as a Honey Badger with a message; an important message, a message that may not amount to more than a hill of beans for some, but the world for Honey Badger.
By now you all know of Honey Badger’s exploits in nature and thanks to the internet it has been contended that Honey Badger doesn’t give a shit. Nothing could be further from the truth. You see dear readers, when a person states that Honey Badger doesn’t give a shit, Honey Badger wants you to know that Honey Badger does give a shit, especially about Honey Badger’s mental well-being.
Honey Badger is gifted, no doubt about it. Mother Nature and eons of natural selection have provided Honey Badger with a physiology second to none. There aren’t many creatures that can survive cobra bites and a thousand bee stings to the proboscis but Honey Badger doesn’t get a dent in the fender. Honey Badger can eat a rat that’s been dead for two weeks, throw up, eat the vomit, and wash it down with scorpion poison and have not so much as a mild hangover. Honey Badger does not apologize for this. Physically, Honey Badger is the pinnacle of evolution but there is more to Honey Badger.
No man is an island and Honey Badger is more than a great body. You see dear reader, ever since this inane little video has come out, Honey Badger has experienced ridicule and verbal abuse in the wilderness the likes of which have, quite frankly, made Honey Badger cry. Honey Badger wasn’t built to handle teasing from prairie dogs and other assorted quick creatures Honey Badger can’t catch. Honey Badger is not mentally capable of a healthy processing “Hey Honey Badger, let’s see you walk backwards” or “Eeew Honey Badger, why don’t you give a shit?” Honey Badger has feelings and these feelings are hurt dear reader. Honey Badger feels like Honey Badger has no way out.
While Honey Badger’s proclivities in nature you may find “disgusting,” you wouldn’t ask water not to be wet. Popeye said “I am what I am” and Honey Badger is what Honey Badger is. So Honey Badger begs of you, cease with the teasing. Cease with the “ewe”, cease with the effeminate “oh god, what’s he doing now?” quips. Honey Badger is hurt. Honey Badger is hurt because Honey Badger cares.

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