Tuesday, January 3, 2012

2012 2011 1102. Does this year belong to you?

By law, bloggers now have to reflect on 2011 and advise as to the hope for 2012. Well, my friends, I am going to put this on its head and instead reflect on the year 1102 and advise as to my nightmares for 2012.

Sure, thanks to WIKI there is all this:
Year 1102 (MCII) was a common year starting on Wednesday (link will display the full calendar) of the Julian calendar.
By place
·         The Crusaders capture Caesarea Maritima.
·         The Crusaders defeat a large Fatimid counter-attack of the Kingdom of Jerusalem near Ascalon and capture the city after 3 years of siedge.[1]
·         Dagobert of Pisa is briefly deposed as Latin Patriarch of Jerusalem (and restored later in the year).
·         Raymond IV of Toulouse begins to besiege Tripoli, and takes the nominal title of Count of Tripoli.
·         Raymond IV of Toulouse is imprisoned by Tancred, regent of the Principality of Antioch.
·         The Venetians establish a new trade emporium in Sidon.[2]
·         May 5 – End of the short-lived principality created by El Cid. Valencia is captured by the Almoravids under Yusuf ibn Tashfin. It is later recaptured, evacuated and burned by Alfonso VI of Castile.[3]
·         June 4 ndash; Bolesław III becomes king of Poland.
·         Following the Croatian military defeat of 1096, by the Pacta Conventa (contested) the Croatian nobles recognize Coloman of Hungary as their overlord, initiating the personal union between the two kingdoms.
·         Henry I of England takes possession of Arundel Castle.
·         The Hohenbaden castle is built in Baden-Baden, Germany.
·         At the Council of London, the Roman Catholic Church bans sodomy and the sale of Christian slaves to non-Christian countries.
By topic
·         Henry I of England orders the tomb of Edward the Confessor opened; the body is found undecayed.

·         February 7Matilda, daughter of Henry I of England (d. 1167)
·         October 25William Clito, Count of Flanders (d. 1128)
·         May 19Stephen, Count of Blois
·         Anna Dalassena, Byzantine regent (b. 1025)
·         King Wladislaus I Herman of Poland (b. 1040)
·         Albert, antipope in Rome.
1.      ^ Gaier, Claude (2004). Armes et combats dans l'univers médiéval. Paris: De Boeck Supérieur. ISBN 2804145433. 
2.      ^ Touba, Keltoum (2006). Le travail dans les cultures monothéistes: judaïsme, christianisme, islam de l'Antiquité au XVIIIe siècle. Paris: L'Harmattan. ISBN 2296009239. 

But not one word about any great wines? How is a guy supposed to time travel and know what to order at a hotel!? And wassup with the Catholic Church banning sodomy? How is a porn director to make a living in 1102. See even back then, too much regulation on business. The more things change…
Oh sure, a few crusades here some plagues there but I’m sure the quality of marbled meats was quite good.

Now on to the nightmares of 2012.
1.       The f-ing patriots win the superbowl and the boston accents come out in full force and Bill Belichek quips that he could have done it with the Browns had they given him the parking space he wanted. But noooo.
2.       The entire cast of New Year’s Eve wins an Oscar for best acting. The key grip is also given an award.
3.       Kim Kardashian becomes a philanthropist without even knowing how a philanthropist is different from a rhododendron. Her bodonkodonk wins an Oscar.
4.       Jay Pharoh on SNL imitates Denzel Washington in another fish out of water bit.
5.       Jay Pharor redeems himself by winning an Oscar for best Denzel impression.
6.       A misguided river otter damns up the rio grande and mistakenly allows illegal immigrants to wade all the way to Iowa and kill the American-owned-Mexican-restaurant market there.
7.       Bob Costas continues to dye his hair and becomes a hero of the occupy goth movement.
8.       The housing market collapses when the last local couple who could have bought, rents a sweet ass condo with laundry in suite.
9.       The learning channel airs North Carolina Bus Drivers And The Spouses Who Love Them.
10.   Some local yahoo buys a huge ass truck that gets 4 miles to the gallon and never ever puts a thing in the back instead of getting the enlargement procedure his wife desperately wanted instead.

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