Tuesday, April 17, 2012

New News You Knew

President Barack Obama called Sunday for a "thorough" and "rigorous" investigation into allegations involving prostitutes and Secret Service agents in Colombia. This is easy: whichever agents have the clap procured the senoritas. Done.

It has been reported that Demi Moore has made a low-key return to Twitter…with a Bedroom Photo. When your return to twitter is low-key with a bedroom photo, what is high-key? When you tweet a video of you slap farting Mila Kunis?

Heidi Klum has said that she "wouldn't change anything" about her marriage to Seal. When your marriage ends in divorce you probably should have changed something. If you die together in a retirement home in Florida babbling to a nurse about frozen yogurt while Seal hums ‘Fields of Gold’, then you can say you “wouldn't change anything.”

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