NPR's ‘5 Things You May Not Know About’ the republican candidates.

NPR is running its ‘5 Things You May Not Know About’ the republican candidates.

You’re right NPR but I do know this:

Jon Huntsman dropped out of high school — but he did graduate from college. In 1978, Huntsman quit school to play keyboards in the rock band Wizard. Just the president we need to encourage the kids to stay in school. Oh and by the way, when you name your rock band Wizard, it soon becomes apparent you will be the backing band for mediaeval inspired pornos.

Michelle Bachmann met her husband on a playground. Michele and her husband, Marcus, met when they were students at Winona State University. According to a 2007 profile in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, they both had jobs as playground supervisors at an elementary school near the college. Marcus was there to meet guys but when in Rome… (this is not a reference to her vag being like rome, too many catholics in her vag. Kid, I kid)

Rick Perry loves The Wizard of Oz. "During our interview," wrote veteran Perry watcher Paul Burka in a 2002 Texas Monthly profile, Gov. Perry "mentioned that his 'favorite movie of all time' is The Wizard of Oz. For him it has lessons that translate to politics. (No, no, it's not that you can get along without a brain.) To Perry, political power is often an illusion, a little man behind a curtain projecting an image." This is good news because for Herman Cain, it was something else projecting.

Ron Paul can deliver. As a doctor in Texas, Kwiatkowski says, Paul delivered more than 4,000 babies over the years. Why Herman Cain had him delivering babies as opposed to a large with extra cheese is still a mystery.

Mitt Romney was once accused of "trying to bribe" a park ranger. In his new book, Mitt Romney: An Inside Look at the Man and His Politics, author Ronald B. Scott writes that when Romney was a young father, he led a family outing to a state park in Massachusetts. When Romney got ready to launch his unlicensed boat, a park ranger said it would cost him $50 if he did. Romney offered the ranger the money, was accused of trying to bribe the ranger, and was arrested for disorderly conduct. Hey Mitt, your attempted bribe of $50 was a slap in the face to that ranger. Now in the park restroom $50 will get you somewhere but not at the docks.

Newt Gingrich met his first wife, Jackie, when he was a 16-year-old high school student in Columbus, Ga. Jackie was his 23-year-old math teacher. This gives new meaning to helping Newt after school with his parabolas.

6/24/11 monologue

Today is Take Your Dog To Work Day. With the NFL locked out, Mike Vick suited up his dog and showed it a nickel package with a zone blitz. Let’s just say the dog didn’t fare very well.

Justin Bieber launched a new perfume. It is called “Someday”, as in someday I belieb I’ll hit puberty.

A documentary celebrating the career of Sarah Palin will debut next Tuesday in the first-in-the-nation presidential voting state of Iowa. Coincidence? Yes, actually. Because Sarah’s tour bus broke down and she decided to be a high school history teacher. She’s gonna ring those bells and warn the British about the apostles ruining the pyramids.

House of Representatives Democrat Barney Frank and conservative Republican libertarian Ron Paul joined forces to introduce a bill that would take marijuana off the government's list of controlled substances and eliminate criminal penalties. On the one hand I want to applaud this and on the other I fear Barney Frank with the munchies.