5/10/11 monologue

After a 25-year marriage as one of the nation's leading power couples in Hollywood and politics, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver have split up.

Now some nasty rumors are flying fast that Arnold’s heath is an issue but trust me, it’s naht a toomah.

Speaking of horrible rumors, Newt Gingrich is running for president.

Mike Huckabee doesn’t believe in evolution and Newt Gingrich doesn’t believe in marital fidelity. I think we have the republican ticket. It’s like Newt thinks every next wife is the missing link. 

Four planets will cluster together next week.  Jupiter will hang low in the sky, along with Venus, Mars and Mercury.

Sources report that Pluto has issued a statement saying “blow me.”

Some Canadian women organized the first Toronto SlutWalk. They did so after a police officer told a group of students that women should not dress like sluts if they want to avoid being sexually assaulted. This gives a whole new meaning to a pride parade.  And get this, Further SlutWalks are planned in the states of Arizona, California, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Indiana, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Nevada, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Texas, Utah, Washington and Wisconsin.

I just have one thing to say, ROAD TRIP!