8/4/11 monologue

Maybe you have heard about the Best Running Away Letter Ever. Here we include it with the original spelling:

"I am runing away becas you think I farted when I dident. PS You are Mean."

I hate to break it to you kid but terrible farts follow you wherever you go. Wait till you start drinking cheap beer.

Dolly Parton has issued a personal apology for an incident at her park Dollywood involving a patron wearing a t-shit that read “marriage is so gay.” In a statement she said:

“We do have a policy about profanity or controversial messages on clothing or signs. It is to protect the individual wearing or carrying them, as well as to keep down fights or problems by those opposed to it at the park."

When your theme park has to keep down fights, it might be a redneck. I guess they don’t mow the grass at Dollywood to make the patrons feel at home.

Thelma Levett made a replica of Kate Middleton’s wedding dress… (wait for it) out of 5,000 balloons.

Source have neither confirmed nor disconfirmed if there is a certain dog shaped balloon in a certain area.

7/27/11 monologue

Hugh Hefner has been left humiliated after ex-fiance Crystal Harris spoke in-depth about the couple's sex life during a radio interview on Howard Stern's 'Sirius XM' show.  Yeah, she said he “lasted two seconds.”

I don’t know what Crystal is complaining about. Do you really want it to be longer than two seconds with Grandpa? In related news, Crystal said that her shopping sprees lasted two days and left her legs shaking.

The house belonging to The Dude in the cult 1998 comedy The Big Lebowski is up for sale.

Possible buyers are being advised that, while the rug really ties the room together, it has been soiled. Some folks who have viewed the house commented on the numerous Creedence tapes lying around.

McDonald's announced Tuesday that it would make the standard child's Happy Meal more healthful.

                Which is weird because they did it by taking the happy meal off the menu.

A lesbian couple is asking for changes at the Dollywood theme park after an employee asked one of the women to turn her T-shirt reading "marriage is so gay" inside-out to avoid offending others.

Park officials failed to mention that wearing the wrong NASCAR shirt could get some visitors murdered at the park.