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human beings return to this cosmic atomic dance when we die and that there is no religiously sanctioned afterlife; and, finally, that joy in existence — not suffering, or atoning or endurance — is the point of life.

Remember City Slickers with Billy Crystal? And how death was his favorite subject? Well I think death is pretty close to being one of my favorite subjects. But, because I read Leo Buscaglia at such a sensitive age, I don’t brood over death. Or was it Heidegger? Either way, I don’t brood over death because I am too busy living. While I’m busy not brooding, I’m thinking…about death. I believe, like Lucretius above, that I die- especially on my birthday. Today is my birthday. 41 years on this watered planet. I end. You end. We end. They end.

And who is it that cannot cry a little? Don’t fear the range of your emotions, explore them. Walk around a little and see where it takes you. Just like our species couldn’t survive if we made babies we couldn’t birth, we don’t possess emotions we can’t handle. Is this true? Tis probably a grey area but roll with it for a minute.

How would you live if you knew you were going to die? Well today is my birthday and I’ll pretty much do what I typically do: a little gee-tar, work, break a sweat, read, write, crack a joke, take a shit. But everything will have a little more oomph today. Just realized oomph doesn’t come up on spell check. Just realized my shit will have a little more oomph. Dear diary…

Maybe I’ll do an atomic dance today. Maybe I’ll suffer and endure today. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll be joyous today. Notice that I don’t indicate that joy will happen to me; joy will happen from me. As soon as I leave work.